


Real Life isn't Quite a Disney Movie

by tastyboots



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Attempt at Humor, Crack, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Embarrassment, Humor, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 12:57:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3068813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tastyboots/pseuds/tastyboots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reports are coming in from all over the city about people suddenly bursting out in song, but no one seems to have any clue as to why. The weatherman on after the special report begins singing and dancing halfway through the ten day forecast. They hastily cut back to the confounded faces of the news anchors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Real Life isn't Quite a Disney Movie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AetherSprite (AranthianPrincess)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AranthianPrincess/gifts).



> Plot inspired by the Buffy episode "Once More With Feeling". Music inspired by _Into the Woods ___

Steve is sitting at the kitchen island at 7 am staring into his glass of orange juice when Tony stumbles in, half asleep, singing an ode to coffee.

Tony finishes his song, takes a long gulp of coffee, and then very carefully sets his mug down.

"What the fuck was that?"

"Yeah," Steve says.

Tony blinks at him, "What the fuck just happened?"

"I have no idea."

"Am I dreaming?"

"I don't think so," Steve says, " Although I'm not exactly an expert."

"Drugs?" Tony looks down at his coffee in horror, "The coffee betrayed me?"

"I don't think so. Or at least it wasn't the coffee."

Tony looks at him like he's grown three heads, "How the fuck are you so calm?"

Steve mumbles into his orange juice.

"What?" Tony asks, "I didn't get that."

Steve clears his throat and repeats, "I sang on my jog earlier."

"...You sang about jogging?"

"No, I... sang about how lovely a day it is."

"...Right...... Team meeting?"

"Already called them."

"Excellent. Brilliant idea."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Twenty minutes later they've determined that Steve, Tony, Thor, and Natasha have all had what Tony dubs a 'musical episode' and all they've ruled out cause-wise is that they can't rule anything out until further testing.

When Bruce starts singing about needing to run tests, they collectively decide to adjourn.

Bruce, still singing, heads off toward his lab, Natasha goes to see if she can get ahold of Stephen Strange, Clint goes to the shooting range to "get away from all of the weirdness", Thor takes the Bifrost back to Asgard to consult with some magic-users, and Tony pours Steve and himself a drink.

Tony has all of a minute to enjoy his scotch before Steve starts singing about wishing Tony wouldn't drink so much.

Tony downs his drink, grabs Steve's out of his hands, and goes off to his own suite.

Clint sends out a mass text that simply says, **I sang about arrows.**

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Astonishingly none of the Avengers realize that these 'musical episodes' are not just happening to them until the Avengers Alarm goes off and the supervillain of the week starts singing instead of monologuing and his minions join in as backup singers.

Steve throws his shield at him to get him to shut up.

After they get back to the tower they turn on the news. Reports are coming in from all over the city about people suddenly bursting out in song, but no one seems to have any clue as to why. The weatherman on after the special report begins singing and dancing halfway through the ten day forecast. They hastily cut back to the confounded faces of the news anchors.

"Okay," Steve says, clicking the news off, "What do we know so far?"

"Stephen Strange is, of course, out of town at the moment, but I left him a message and hopefully he'll get back to us as soon as possible," Natasha says.

"By 'out of town' do you mean out of this dimension?" Tony asks?

"Yep."

"God, I hate magic."

Steve clasps a hand on Tony's shoulder, "Okay, what else?"

Bruce picks up the StarkTablet next to him, "As far as I can tell, there's nothing in the air or water and I'm not picking up any sort of radiation, though of course if it's magic, which it very well may be, I have no way of detecting it."

"Great," Clint says.

"I'd like to look at some blood samples from everyone next," Bruce continues, "And then maybe scan for any atypical brain activity."

Steve sighs, "Alright, thank you, do what you can. Thor's not back yet?"

"No sign of the big guy," Tony says.

Bruce looks up inquiringly from his tablet.

"Not your big guy, the other big--" Tony blows a raspberry, "We have too many big guys."

"That's just 'cause you're a little guy," Clint says.

Tony points at him, "Rude. Besides, I'm big where it counts."

"Tony." Steve and Natasha admonish simultaneously.

"I meant my suit."

"Sure you did," Clint replies.

" _This man_ ," Steve sings.

"Uh oh," Natasha says.

" _Sometimes the things that come out of his mouth_ "

"Are you singing about me again?" Tony asks.

"Again?" Clint asks.

" _Make me want to shout_ "

"He's singing about me again isn't he?"

" _But then he does that pout_ "

"Oh gosh I just remembered something that I need to show you in the other room, Clint," Natasha says hurriedly.

" _And I_ "

"What?"

"Right now, Clint. You too, Bruce."

" _Kind of lose my miiiind_ "

"Oh," Bruce says. He grabs one of Clint's arms and Natasha takes the other and together they haul him out of the room leaving an uncomfortable looking Tony to stare after them.

" _He's irritating, immature, irresponsible, irrational_ "

"Okay," Tony says, "I'm just gonna-- Go. Now."

" _And it's kind of eery_ "

Tony quickly scurries out of the room.

Steve sighs and finishes the song in a whisper, " _But I can't help but love thiiiiis maaaaan._ "

Steve groans and collapses sideways on the couch.

\------------------------------------------------

Thor returns the next morning while Tony is still hiding in his workshop, so Steve calls a team meeting to discuss what he's learned.

"So what have you learned?" Steve asks, pointedly ignoring the fact that Tony is drunk and won't even look at him.

Thor looks back and forth between Steve and Tony before answering succinctly, "Nothing of use."

Steve clenches his jaw, "Nothing?"

Thor pats Steve's shoulder consolingly, "I was only able to derive that whatever it is that affects us so is not Asgardian in nature."

"I guess that's something."

"Well," Natasha says, "If it's not Asgardian and Bruce can't find any scientific cause, then it has to be magic, right?"

"I fuckin' hate magic," Tony slurs.

"We know!" Steve snaps.

An awkward silence falls over the room during which Steve blushes, Tony glares, and Thor tries, unsuccessfully, to enquire about the situation from the other Avengers with his eyebrows.

The tower's phone interrupts the silence and there is an audible sigh of relief.

"Sam Wilson is on the line."

"Put it through, JARVIS," Steve says.

"Hey guys," Sam says.

"Hey, Sam, what's up?"

"Um, well, we're all doing the singing thing, right?"

"Yeah," Steve replies, "Since yesterday morning."

"Yeah, soooo, is anyone else having any animals encounters?"

"What kind of animal encounters?" Natasha asks.

"The kind where you sing with them?"

The room is quiet except for Tony's murmur of, "Oh."

Five heads whip over to Tony.

"What do you mean, 'Oh?'" Steve asks slowly.

"I thought I was just really drunk," Tony says.

"You _are _really drunk," Natasha replies. Tony snaps and points in her direction.__

"What happened?" Bruce asks.

"A couple of pigeons and rats helped me with some wiring."

There's a pregnant pause and then Sam says, "Well I don't feel so weird now."

"You're welcome?"

"Okay, well I have to fly, and I really don't wanna be on the phone when one of you guys starts singing again, so. Bye!"

There's another pause and then Clint blurts, "You sang with rats?"

"I thought I was hallucinating!"

Steve busts out his Captain America voice, "Hey! Let's focus on the real issue here, okay?"

"I'd say singing with rats is a real issue," Clint murmurs.

Steve ignores him, "If it is magic we're gonna need Strange. Is he back yet?"

"Not as far as I know," Natasha answers.

"Well that's just peachy," Tony says backing away toward the elevator, "Call me when we've found a way out of this musical nightmare."

Tony steps inside the elevator, hits the button that'll take him to his lab, and leans back against the wall. Steve follows him inside seconds before the doors close. Tony shuffles his feet and waits for the bomb to drop.

"What is wrong with you?" Steve huffs.

Tony guffaws, "Oh boy, where to start? Apparently I'm irritating, immature, irresponsible, and... what was the last one again?"

"Tony--"

"Oh yes, irrational. There are probably more though. Why don't you sing another song about how much you hate me?"

"I don't hate you!" Steve exclaims.

"Well it sure seems that way."

There's a ping and Tony slides out of the elevator as soon as the doors open.

"Tony--"

"I've got a lot of work to do, Cap. I'll see you at the next team meeting. Unless you kick me off the team before then."

"We need to talk."

" _I've got nothing to say,_ " Tony sings, " _My headspace is blank._ "

"I'm not leaving until we talk about this," Steve says.

" _This is stupid. I don't think you can do this. In fact I'm quite sure. It's my tower, therefore, please get out of my lab, you're being a cad, let me show you the door._ "

"Goddammit! Will you just hear me out?"

" _As nice as it's been I'd rather rather be eaten by bears or eat twelve dozen pears then have you tell me my sins._ "

" _This man,_ " Steve sings back at him.

"Oh god, not this again."

" _Sometimes the things that come out of his mouth make me want to shout,_ "

"Please stop."

" _But then he does that pout, and I kind of lose my miiiiind._ "

"Yeah, I get it."

" _He's irresistible, immaculate, intimidating, irrational, and it's kind of eery, I just can't help but love thiiis maaaaan._ "

".........What."

"I've been trying to figure out how to tell you for weeks, but I guess singing it will have to do," Steve says, stepping a bit closer.

"Oh," Tony says, stepping forward as well, "So I guess you don't hate me."

Steve brings his hand up to cup Tony's face, "Not at all."

"Okay. Good. That's good. I'll, um, keep that in mind."

"Tony."

"Yes?"

"I'd like to kiss you now if that's alright."

"Yes, good."

Steve leans forward and--

"Guys!" Clint calls over the PA system.

"Aslgjhfhlhhgtuslhf," Tony says.

Steve raises an eyebrow at him.

"What?" Clint says.

"Nevermind," Tony says, "What do you want?"

"I found an article that might be helpful. It's called '15 Signs You Might Be a Princess.'"

Tony thunks his head against Steve's chest, "I hate you so much."

"Aw, don't be like that, this is valuable information."

"Was that all?" Steve asks.

"Yep," there's a muffled thump, "Ow. And Natasha told me to tell you that Strange just got back to her. He said it sounds like a wish demon and he'll take care of it as soon as he unpacks."

"So someone, what? Wished that life was like a Disney movie?" Tony asks incredulously.

"Looks like!" Clint exclaims.

"Well...," Tony says.

"Yeah," Steve agrees.

"Demon. Huh."

"Demon."

Tony smiles and pulls him down for a kiss, "Hail Satan."

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the second-hand embarrassment. Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Happy New Year!


End file.
